my hospital stay..

May 28th, 2011

this hospital stay was a lot different then my previous.. I took in more.. I ate more.. I drank more.. I asked for more help.. with Olive the vicodin knocked me on my ass.. but this time I lowered my dosage and didn’t put to much pressure on doing things.. that’s what my $4000 nurses were for ;)

on the first night I could feel the anxiety roll in.. my legs were still numb.. I couldn’t walk to the bathroom.. I had the catheter.. but they always freak me out.. I knew that it was just sleep that was making me feel that way.. so I cat napped whenever and wherever I could.. thankfully Brixton allowed that.. even with the nurses coming in every 20 minutes.. I slept.. 

I just took this little lady in as much as I could.. I knew this was my only time with her before we took her home.. and I wanted it all.. I didn’t want to share.. I knew home would be trying to balance Olive and her needs.. feeding.. recovering.. so this stay.. I just stared at her.. and fed her.. it was beautiful.. one thing I have noticed with Brixton is that her voice recognition of me and Dustin is wild..  even Dust came over in the OR and said that she just knew his voice.. something we may have just never noticed with Olive.. 

the next day we waited the arrival of the big sister.. I was nervous..  crying hurts when you have a c section.. and I didn’t know if I had the strength to not cry if there was a “problem”.. we had the camera ready.. and waited for her little strut to come into the room.. normally she is terrified of hospitals and Drs.. but I wouldn’t have noticed it this time.. 

"moooooooooooommmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyy"

and she ran over.. and she had her build a bear and balloonies for her sister.. she gave hugs.. and was so excited to see us! it melted my heart.. 

all she wants to do is give her kisses.. and hugs.. and put the soother in her mouth.. she stayed for an hour.. and she got her present from her little sister.. and she played.. and it was so nice.. even when she left.. there were no tears.. the chocolate bribery may have had something to do with it ;) but it worked!! and I was saved the tears.. 

Its funny because of all my hospital fears.. it was none of the same bad things that happened.. this time my catheter caused a problem.. and I couldn’t go to the bathroom.. I guess they took it out to early? and because Brixton had fluid mucous build up in her lungs.. we kept waking up to her gagging.. trying to get it out.. and then she was barfing up all my “liquid gold” and as we were dressed and packed up waiting for discharge.. she started to barf and then inhaled it.. and thank God the nurse was in the room at the time.. because she started to aspirate it.. and was choking.. and this whole ordeal lasted a good 5 minutes.. while I was lying on a bed helpless and couldn’t get up to help her.. it was awful.. just minutes before I confidently was leaving the hospital.. this happened.. and shattered it all.. they asked us to stick around for a little bit to make sure she was ok.. but the next 2 days at home we just followed her around with a nose bulb waiting for it to happen again.. 

once home.. my feet turned into watermelons! it was like nothing I had ever seen.. even during pregnancy.. I had some water in my ankles after work.. or just being on my feet to much.. but the fluid that pooled in my feet was scary.. the nurse hotline said it was from the iv fluid and takes up to 2 weeks to go away.. and I am waiting.. patiently to have my feet back.. 

and now we are home.. and adjusting.. and getting over breastfeeding hurdles.. and trying to find the good in each moment.. Olive is loving her little sister.. and helping with her soother.. and yesterday when she wouldn’t take it.. Olive just started crying because she was so upset that she wasn’t helping.. it broke my heart.. because she was trying so hard..  there hasn’t been any acting out.. yet.. but she is definitely vying for our attention.. she talks talks talks all day about anything and everything.. mom.. mom.. mom.. mom..  

ok.. back to finding balance ;)

for the first time ever.. we found her sleeping on the ground.. so precious!