moment of clarity..

March 15th, 2011

These last two days have been non stop.. I wonder if maybe I am fighting off a cold that is trying to take over my body? but yesterday was my “free pass” day.. aka.. I mentally left the fam for a couple hours without feeling like I wanted to be there with them.. and what were they doing.. I even told Dust.. no text messages!! cause then I rush..  I ran some much needed errands! hit up the mall.. finally bought some new mac concealer.. (mine was entering the 5 year zone!!) gross I know.. but I just don’t throw make up out.. and when my energy levels were coming to an end.. I grabbed a bottle of water.. a mini donut.. ok .. it wasn’t mini.. but it was plain original and glazed.. so I justified eating it all .. then I finally made it to the pottery place..  being a Monday.. I was the only one in there! which was perfect.. I picked out my mug I wanted to paint.. grabbed some nice neutral colours.. and began.. I always go to over board with colour choices.. I love me some rainbows.. but I knew if I pained it to bright.. I probably wouldn’t drink out of it.. so I stuck with a Mississippi mud brown.. and a Sahara cream.. and I duplicated this.. 

in fact.. now that I look at this picture again.. I think I may have 100% duplicated the colours.. I also had  huge moment of clarity while painting alone at Color Me Mine.. I am trying to re create Kelly Hamptons birth experience.. I wrapped my mind so around hers because it seemed like something I have always wanted.. with the friends and family and the “celebration” aspect of it..  that I was getting too caught up in it. and when my expectations are to high.. there is only one way to go. and that is down.. I actually laughed out loud at this moment of clarity.. and while I am still going to do my best to make it my experience .. and special..and more of a birth celebration.. I am going to do just that.. make it mine.. after the Japan tsunami/earthquake.. the scale of my fear is being adjusted.. and I no longer think I am actually going to die.. of course I still have been having my random waves of “oh my f&%# #%% #%$” moments.. but they pass way faster.. and I am now just taking in my little peanut pop.. and enjoying our last moments together.. before we become a family of four.. 

*****

on a different note.. I have finally crossed back over to the world of blond.. and it feels good.. no GREAT! it took 4 hair dies.. and finally a colourist change.. and I am in love.. it feels weird.. while I loved the bold dark chocolate browns.. I was not digging this in between stage.. 

and this morning when I got Olive out of bed.. she looked right up at me and goes “oh so beautiful mommy” .. it melted me heart.. her sentences are off the charts funny.. and it is so weird to see her communicate even better with us.. she had me and Dustin on the floor last night.. when he walked her dinner over to her.. she took one bite.. and goes 

oh daddy.. this is so delicious (deelish ish)

perfection!